So, most people who actually read this (both of you...) probably are in for no surprise. However, I don't think that there has ever been one single location to turn to in order to learn how to behave around me. This is by no means an exhaustive list, however its a good start. I hope that the universe now understands that this post puts you on notice, ignorance is no longer a valid defense. These are my Pet-Peeves....
First: Misspelled words in serious facebook status updates.
I am currently on the fence about people posting serious things on facebook. It seems super weird to me to be looking at my newsfeed and read about someone's morning habits, how much someone loves milk and cookies, and how sad someone is because this is the anniversary of their grandparents death. One of those things is not like the other, but if facebook really is a place for release I suppose it is ok. HOWEVER, there is no excuse for someone trying to be deep and pensive while showing they don't know the difference between "effect" and "affect" or "access" and "excess" or "loaner" and "loner." If you have a below 7th grade reading level you are not allowed to pretend like you have any thoughts deeper than "goin to the gym with my boy [insert childish nickname here] can't wait for my cool down protien shake!"......you dunce!
Second: Guys (as opposed to Gentlemen)
There is nothing wrong with wearing a short pant, or a t-shirt from time to time. However, if you are going out for an evening it is time to put on a slack--or at least a jean--and a shirt with a rib or a collar, some product for the hair, and a shoe that covers the feet. In addition, Church is a place for a white shirt and tie, shoes match belt, socks match slacks, and for goodness sake keep brown and black away from each other! On a Saturday afternoon, really the only thing that is off limits is not wearing a shirt. Swimming is the exception, but walking around, or watching t.v. can be done just fine with a shirt on. Basic rule of thumb: just look like you have some amount of respect for yourself.
Good way to know if you are a guy or a gentleman: Jimmy Buffet or Frank Sinatra?
Third: People who rock out to acoustic music
It is always fun to see a singer/songwriter strip down their song in an intimate performance or as a break in the middle of a set. In fact, I never liked Nirvana until I heard their acoustic cover of David Bowie's The Man Who Sold the World. But I would never bang my head to a song that a grunge band does with a cello! I can't think of many things more ridiculous than people calling a concert with no drum set or distorted guitar a rock show. Some of the best examples of bands that people inappropriately rock out to are Jack Johnson and Coldplay. Sorry fellas, but your music is boring and does not count as rock and roll. Simply put, if anyone but the drummer is sitting down on stage the only proper response is quietly listening and moderate hand-clapping.
So, to anyone who will be around me for the rest of my life, keep these things in mind, or be prepared to be mocked!