Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Several things I can't stand

So, most people who actually read this (both of you...) probably are in for no surprise.  However, I don't think that there has ever been one single location to turn to in order to learn how to behave around me. This is by no means an exhaustive list, however its a good start.  I hope that the universe now understands that this post puts you on notice, ignorance is no longer a valid defense.  These are my Pet-Peeves....

First: Misspelled words in serious facebook status updates.
I am currently on the fence about people posting serious things on facebook.  It seems super weird to me to be looking at my newsfeed and read about someone's morning habits, how much someone loves milk and cookies, and how sad someone is because this is the anniversary of their grandparents death.  One of those things is not like the other, but if facebook really is a place for release I suppose it is ok. HOWEVER, there is no excuse for someone trying to be deep and pensive while showing they don't know the difference between "effect" and "affect" or "access" and "excess" or "loaner" and "loner."  If you have a below 7th grade reading level you are not allowed to pretend like you have any thoughts deeper than "goin to the gym with my boy [insert childish nickname here] can't wait for my cool down protien shake!" dunce!

Second: Guys (as opposed to Gentlemen)
There is nothing wrong with wearing a short pant, or a t-shirt from time to time.  However, if you are going out for an evening it is time to put on a slack--or at least a jean--and a shirt with a rib or a collar, some product for the hair, and a shoe that covers the feet.  In addition, Church is a place for a white shirt and tie, shoes match belt, socks match slacks, and for goodness sake keep brown and black away from each other!  On a Saturday afternoon, really the only thing that is off limits is not wearing a shirt.  Swimming is the exception, but walking around, or watching t.v. can be done just fine with a shirt on.  Basic rule of thumb: just look like you have some amount of respect for yourself.
Good way to know if you are a guy or a gentleman: Jimmy Buffet or Frank Sinatra?

Third: People who rock out to acoustic music
It is always fun to see a singer/songwriter strip down their song in an intimate performance or as a break in the middle of a set.  In fact, I never liked Nirvana until I heard their acoustic cover of David Bowie's The Man Who Sold the World.  But I would never bang my head to a song that a grunge band does with a cello! I can't think of many things more ridiculous than people calling a concert with no drum set or distorted guitar a rock show.  Some of the best examples of bands that people inappropriately rock out to are Jack Johnson and Coldplay.  Sorry fellas, but your music is boring and does not count as rock and roll.  Simply put, if anyone but the drummer is sitting down on stage the only proper response is quietly listening and moderate hand-clapping.

So, to anyone who will be around me for the rest of my life, keep these things in mind, or be prepared to be mocked!


Wednesday, August 17, 2011

The Po-Po

This post is a super-brag on my amazing luck, I know it, and now so do you.

So I have been pulled over a total of one (1) time(s).  I was 16 years old and I was driving home very late at night from a midnight premier (more to come about my distaste of midnight premiers....).  I was also eating a taco, I was also turning left, I also drove a manual transmission.  Needless to say, I was driving erratically.  The cops got me right outside my house and basically just checked my breath, and let me go.  (Lucky me I had really good mints that masked the Keystone......kidding.)

Fast forward past several red lights run, speeding to shows, and a couple illegal U-turns on the freeway to yesterday.  As I was making my way toward Layton, UT for a wonderful lunch date with a very special girl I zoned out through an intersection on BYU campus.  I looked up at the traffic signal just as I passed underneath the red beacon, inviting me to be a law abiding citizen just a little too late.

I felt terrible about that incident, but I guess not bad enough to drive 55 on the freeway.  As I was speeding my way up I-15 I came to the top of the crest of a hill and my eyes met the eyes of a motorcycle cop with his radar gun pointed right at my car.  I prepared to move over to the right and meet my doom until, just as I passed the cop he pointed his gloved finger right at me and in the clearest inaudible language I'd ever heard (haha you can't hear inaudible, but that is really what it felt like...) he mouthed "YOU, SLOW DOWN!"  and then waved me on.  Success!!!

Moral of the story--and this may sound a little cliche, and for that I apologize--the universe may, in fact, revolve around me...... Just sayin.....      

Thursday, August 11, 2011

The Romantic In Me.

I would consider a hopeless romantic to be one who is overly concerned with the romances all around them, but who never takes the time to nurture their own.  There is, of course, a much healthier way of viewing the world, specifically the world of love.  That is being a Hopeful Romantic.  A hopeful romantic can still get caught up in all of the relationships around him/herself, but also wants and works for the same. 

With the help of a new (but great) friend I was able to determine, with her, that I am certainly a hopeful romantic.  One of my favorite movies is One Fine Day because I want to be as in love as George Clooney is with Michelle Pfeiffer; I am always dreaming of finding my own Liz Lemon or Pam Beasley; my favorite song is and 8 minute slow jam about the infatuation phase called “Crush”.  I certainly love the idea of love!

However, as fun as it is to live through these exalted views of a dream-girl, I want nothing more than true love in my own life.  As horrifying as it seems to me, I can’t wait to have a wife with whom I can enjoy the best life has to offer, and then to bring kids into that love affair would only add to the experiences of existence.

So, what is the point of this?  Well, hopefully all the links in this post made people love some of the same things I love, that would make the world a better place (; but also, I hope that we can all just be a little more hopeful in our romances.  I have total trust that I will get to have an even better romance than anything Shakespeare ever thought up because mine will not be weak-minded and hopeless, but the love of a Hopeful Romantic.